Finding Your Strength: Effective Therapies for Incest Survivors
Image by Steven Weirather from Pixabay
When you’ve been sexually abused by someone who was supposed to love and protect you—a brother, a father, an uncle—it doesn’t just wound your body. It fractures your sense of safety, your ability to trust, and often, your belief in your own worth. For many of us, the abuse didn’t end when the touching stopped. It echoed through our adult lives—in our relationships, our bodies, our choices, and our silence.
But healing is possible. Not easy. Not quick. But possible.
You Are Not Alone
If you’re reading this, you’ve already done something brave: you’re looking for help. Maybe you’ve tried therapy before, but it wasn’t effective. Maybe you’ve been carrying this pain for decades, unsure where to begin. I want to share with you some of the most effective, research-backed therapies that have helped survivors like us reclaim our lives.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, has long advocated for EMDR as a powerful tool for trauma survivors. It helps the brain reprocess traumatic memories, so they no longer hijack your nervous system. 1 Survivors often describe it as “lifting the weight” of the past without having to relive every detail.
Somatic Therapies
When you’ve been abused, your body remembers—even when your mind tries to forget. Somatic Experiencing can help you reconnect with your body in safe, gentle ways, often a core challenge after sexual abuse. These therapies focus on releasing trauma stored in the nervous system, body first rather than brain first (as in talk therapies). While direct research on incest-specific outcomes is still developing, studies show that SE can significantly reduce symptoms of PTSD. 2
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)
TF-CBT helps survivors challenge the distorted beliefs that often take root after abuse: It was my fault. I should’ve stopped it. I’m broken. This therapy teaches practical tools to manage anxiety, shame, and depression, and to build healthier thought patterns. 3
Group and Peer Support
Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, in The Courage to Heal, emphasize the power of community. Hearing other survivors speak candidly about their experience of sexual abuse can be life-changing. Whether it’s an incest survivor’s group, a SAPREA retreat, or an online community, connection is a form of medicine. Progress and empowerment realized by our peers gives us hope and inspiration. 4
Mindfulness and Breathwork
These aren’t just buzzwords. Mindfulness helps you stay grounded in the present when flashbacks or anxiety hit. Breathing in for several seconds, holding the breath for a few more, then exhaling slowly can calm your body when it feels like it’s spiraling. Mindfulness tools are often integrated into trauma therapy to help you feel more in control of your own body and mind. 5
An Encouraging Word
You didn’t choose to be sexually abused by a relative. But you can choose how you heal. There is no one-size-fits-all path, and no shame in trying different approaches until something yields good results for you. Until you feel strong and in charge of your life. What matters is that you keep moving forward in recovery.
You are not broken. You are not alone. And you are absolutely worth the work it takes to heal.
1. B. A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. (New York: Viking, 2014).
2. Brom, D., et al. (2017). Somatic experiencing for posttraumatic stress disorder: a randomized controlled outcome study. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 30(3), 304–312.
3. Lenz, A. S., & Hollenbaugh, K. M. (2015). Meta-analysis of trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy for treating PTSD and co-occurring depression among children and adolescents. Counseling Outcome Research and Evaluation, 6(1), 18–32.
4. E. Bass & L. Davis, The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. (New York: HarperCollins, 2008).
5. D. A. Treleaven, Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness: Practices for Safe and Transformative Healing. (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2018).
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