Abuse Concerns? Creating a Safety Plan
Image by Victoria Al-Taie from Pixabay
SAFETY PLAN FOR FAMILY VIOLENCE: A Step-by-Step Guide for Families Experiencing Abuse
If I had known at age 7 that I could talk to my parents or a teacher about the confusing way my brother was touching me, the escalation of his abuse could have been prevented. The pattern of accepting inappropriate treatment from subsequent abusers could also have been prevented. This article will enable families to discuss safety issues and to create a safety plan for domestic abuse to protect all their members.
Stay Grounded in the Truth: Abuse is Never Your Fault.
Before writing your plan, take a breath and remember: you are not alone, and that you and your children deserve safety. Abuse—whether verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual—can make you question your instincts. But if something feels unsafe, it probably is. Trust your gut.
Create a Personalized Safety Plan for Family Violence (with Your Child, If Possible)
A domestic abuse safety plan is a living document. It may change as circumstances change. But the goal is always the same: to protect, prepare, and empower.
Sit down (when safe) and answer:Have I talked with my children about personal safety and refusal skills? (Please consider reading my blog, Why Parents are the Cornerstone of Child Assault Prevention.)
What situations tend to escalate between adults in our household?
Where are the exits in my home?
Whom can I count on for help?
What role can each family member play?
Establish a Family Code Word and a Signal (verbal and visual)
A code word is a simple, neutral phrase that means: “I need help, and I can’t talk freely.”
A visual signal means: “There’s an unsafe situation going on here; don’t come inside.”
For children:
Choose a word they’ll remember (like “sunshine” or “cookies”).
Role-play using it in different ways (texting, whispering to a teacher, saying it to a sibling).
For teens/adults:
Use code in texts or calls. Examples: “I need the blue book.” = Call 911 now.
Set up a visual signal if speaking isn’t possible (e.g., placing a stuffed animal in the front window).
📚 Reference: National Domestic Violence Hotline. (thehotline.org)
Identify Safe Places in and out of the Home
In the home:
Rooms with locks and a second exit (first-floor bedroom with a window, bathroom with a lock).
Avoid kitchens or areas with potential weapons.
Outside the home:
Trusted neighbor’s house.
School counselor’s office.
Public libraries, fire stations, or stores with employees trained in “Safe Place” programs (these often have a sticker on the front window).
📚 Reference: Child Welfare Information Gateway. (childwelfare.gov)
Pack a Go-Bag (AND keep it hidden if necessary)
This isn’t paranoia—it’s preparation.
Include:Copy of keys (house, car).
ID for you and your children (or copies).
Birth certificates, insurance cards.
Medications, some cash, a burner phone if available.
Comfort items for children (small toy, blanket, 2nd copy of a favorite book).
📚 Reference: (National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233). Please consider reading my blog, How to Cope with Abusive Family Members.
Build a Web of Emergency Contacts
No one escapes abuse alone. Build your web, thread by thread.
Choose 2–3 safe adults your child can call (e.g., grandparent, teacher, friend’s parent).
Give children a card with these names/numbers written down (show them a safe place to keep it, like their underwear drawer).
Program “ICE” (In Case of Emergency) contacts into phones.
Sample Contact Card:Name Relationship Phone Number Safe Word
Aunt Jamie Family 555-123-4567 Sunshine
Ms. Harris Teacher 555-987-6543 Tablet
Local Police Victim Unit Officer 555-432-1234
Be sure no one in your family is isolated. Identify one or more support people for each child in your home. A key factor in a child’s resilience is having someone to talk to, somebody to confide in. Make certain you are an approachable, safe, responsible, consistent resource for your children and adolescents.📚 Reference: (Parents Protect)
Teach Children What to Do if They Feel Unsafe
Children need clarity. Tell them:
“If something scary happens, or you feel uncomfortable with how someone is treating you, it’s okay to leave the room and go to our safe place.”
“If you can, call [trusted adult] or 911.”
Practice role-playing: “What would you do if you hear yelling?”
“Where would you go if I say the code word?”
“What would you do if another child or a grown-up touches you in a way that makes you feel yucky?”
📚 Reference: National Child Traumatic Stress Network Safety Planning Resources
Use Technology Thoughtfully
Abusers may monitor phones, texts, or location sharing.
Tips:Use incognito/private browser mode when searching for resources.
Turn off location sharing (on apps and in phone settings).
If possible, use a trusted person’s phone to call hotlines.
📚 Reference: National Network to End Domestic Violence’s Safety Net Project (techsafety.org)
Know the Lifelines: Call, Text, or Chat Resources for Victims of Domestic Abuse
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)
Rape, Abuse, &Incest National Network (rainn.org) 1-800-656-4673
Local Law Enforcement/Victim Advocacy
911
📚 All hotlines are confidential, and many can assist even if you can’t speak aloud.
Update and Review the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SAFETY Plan Often
Situations rarely remain static. Review the safety plan once a year or when something changes:
Has a new person entered the household?
Did you move to a new school or neighborhood?
Has the child grown older and gained new skills?
Keep the plan flexible. Keep it current.
Closing Thoughts
If I had seen a billboard when I was 7 that said, “If someone is hurting you, call this number,” I would have called it. Instead, my brother molested me for three years. I was hurt in the very environment where I should have been most safe.
Safety is a sacred right. And planning for it is not about fear—sometimes it’s about prevention, sometimes it’s about reclaiming hope. You are not overreacting. You are preparing. And in preparing, you are telling your children (and yourself): “We deserve security and peace. And we will find both.”
