WHO CAN I TELL? A GUIDE FOR INCEST SURVIVORS
As a survivor of incest, I understand that speaking out and seeking help can feel terrifying. Our abuser and even our gut tells us to remain silent. Many of us worry about not being believed, disrupting our families, or facing shame or retaliation. (consider reading, 7 Factors to Consider for Safely Confronting Your Family About Incest) But silence isn’t your only option. There are people who will listen, believe you, and help. Here’s where to start:
A Trusted Adult
Not all adults are safe, but many are. A teacher, school counselor, coach, minister, priest, imam, rabbi, or even a family friend might be someone you feel comfortable confiding in. Many survivors find their first recovery lifeline outside their immediate family.
For example, in 2013, Olympic gymnast Jordyn Wieber testified about how trusted adults outside her family helped her understand and report sexual abuse by Larry Nassar, an Olympic team doctor who began abusing her when she was 14.
A Close Friend or Partner
Sometimes, telling just one trusted person makes all the difference. If you have a friend or partner who is supportive, their belief in you can be an initial step toward healing. They can remind you that you are not alone and that the abuse was not your fault. (consider reading, How to Provide Safe Space for a Loved One Dealing with Sexual Trauma)
A Survivor Hotline
If you’re unsure where to turn, a crisis hotline can provide anonymous, immediate support. Advocates can guide you through reporting options, help you process your emotions, and find qualified therapists.
National Sexual Assault Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Law Enforcement or Child Protective Services
If you’re a minor, reporting to the police or CPS can initiate legal protection. If you’re an adult, you may still be able to file charges, depending on your state’s statute of limitations.
In 2021, 24 states updated laws to extend or eliminate statutes of limitations for child sex abuse cases. Check your state’s laws here: childusa.org/law
A Therapist Specializing in Trauma
A mental health professional trained in sexual abuse recovery can help you process your experience and plan your next steps. Therapy can also help with post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and self-blame—common struggles for incest survivors. (link to The Effects of Childhood Incest on Adult Life)
Resource: RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) offers a directory of trauma-informed therapists: https://rainn.org
A Support Group
Connecting with other survivors can be life changing. My work with an incest survivor’s group 22 years after my brother’s abuse restored my self-worth, allowed me to safely confront him, and to parent my children with less hypervigilance. (consider reading, Confronting the Perpetrator of Child Sexual Assault.)
Online and in-person support groups offer a healing space where you’re not alone—where people get it, and can share their experience, strength, and hope.
Resource: Survivors of Incest Anonymous https://siawso.org 877-742-9761
Incest AWARE https://www.incestaware.org
The SNAP Network (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests) helps incest and sexual abuse survivors find community: 877-762-7435
A Lawyer Specializing in Abuse Cases
If you’re considering legal action, a lawyer can advise you about your rights and options. Some attorneys work pro bono (free of charge) for survivors.
Resource: National Center for Victims of Crime: https://victimsofcrime.org
855-484-2846
Breaking the conspiracy of silence surrounding incest is difficult but you don’t have to do it alone or all at once. No matter how long it’s been since your incest abuse, you deserve safety, healing, and support. When you’re ready, reach out to a friend, a hotline, legal authorities, or a therapist. Someone will listen to and encourage you.
You are not alone. You are believed. You are worthy of healing and a peaceful life.
