THE EFFECTS OF CHILDHOOD INCEST ON ADULT LIFE
My older brother’s molesting me from the time I was six through nine years old was not only confusing, painful, and robbed me of a safe home, it distorted my perception of the world for decades. My gut had told me that his touching and eventual penetration was wrong, but bribes and threats took away my voice. I doubted my own judgment then and failed to trust my perception and intuition in several relationships since. I easily identify with another survivor who said, “incest prevents us from enjoying an unencumbered adulthood.”
I had several reasons for not telling my parents about my brother’s abuse. Our household valued males far above females and my brother was the firstborn and only boy. My parents were both hunters and had guns on a rack in their bedroom; when a neighbor man shoved a finger into my vagina twice one afternoon while I was in his daughter’s pool, I was afraid that my dad might kill him. Finally, my brother bought my silence with Milky Way candy bars, 16-ounce bottles of Pepsi, and allowing me to drive our dad’s Studebaker down a lane adjacent to our property. I doubted my innocence, felt guilty and ashamed, and believed that I, not my brother or my neighbor, would be punished.
ISOLATED, BUT NOT ALONE
According to a blog published by Survivors of Incest Anonymous, sexual contact between a child and an older sibling, or between a child and a trusted adult scars virtually all facets of victims’ lives. The child is typically left with little, or no self-esteem. Whether the abuse takes the form of pornography, “flashing,” fondling, penetration, or torture, the child’s emotional growth is often stunted at the age of the first attack, leaving him or her to languish there until beginning a recovery program, usually as an adult.
In The Secret Trauma: Incest in the Lives of Girls and Women, DEH Russell cited research indicating that incest occurred in one in twenty families that included daughters and biological fathers. In households where daughters lived with stepfathers, incest was reported in one of seven families. These coercive encounters were likely baffling to the daughters who may have enjoyed the attention, affection, and connectedness, but despised the abuse. Self-loathing is common in incest survivors who wonder if the abuse was their fault or was fueled by their own desire. This is especially true for those who were abused by several family members.
AN INJURY OF BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT
Incest survivors and those of other forms of childhood sexual abuse use a disproportionately high volume of health care services and incur higher health care costs than adults who did not experience abuse. Their untreated psychological pain often results in social and physical disorders.
Long-term results of incest:
depression (American Counseling Association reports this as the number one effect of childhood sexual abuse)
alcoholism (4-5 times more likely than in persons who were not sexually abused)
drug addiction (same risk as above)
suicide (ideation, attempts; child sexual abuse victims are 3 times more likely to commit suicide than the general population; those who suffered continual or multiple abusers are 5 times more likely to commit suicide)
prostitution
post-traumatic stress disorder (recurring thoughts of abuse, nightmares, flashbacks—all similar in intensity to that of war veterans)
self-injury (such as cutting)
eating disorders (twice as likely to be obese than those with no abuse history)
sexual disfunction (low libido, painful intercourse, vaginismus)
migraines
chronic pain in pelvic area, stomach, or back
sleeping disorders (insomnia or excessive sleeping)
extreme anxiety
anger management problems
perfectionism
phobias
avoidance of intimacy and emotional bonding (inability to trust others)
traumatic bonding (partnering with someone who threatens, intimidates or abuses)
revictimization (putting self in risky situations, poor judgment of the trustworthiness of others)
denial/dissociation (feeling that events are not real or “removing” self from body to avoid connecting with physical and/or emotional suffering caused by abuse)
promiscuity (more likely to have had 50 or more intercourse partners)
early adolescent or unintended pregnancy
parenting problems (distrusting own instincts and perceptions, extreme fear of abuse repeating in the next generation)
low self-esteem (less skilled at self-protection and boundary-setting, often resulting in involvement with abusive, controlling partners and people-pleasing; more inclined to take care of others’ needs than their own)
NOW WHAT?
The following strategies for coping with the damaging effects of incest were recommended by the sources at the end of this blog and those I found helpful in my own recovery:
Participate in an incest survivor’s group such as those offered by the YWCA or Survivors of Incest Anonymous (12-Step self-help spiritual recovery program)
Work with a therapist who has specific training/expertise in sexual abuse (treatment may have 3 stages: A-safety—survivors is protected and strengthened; B—remembrance, mourning, processing losses; C—reintegration of the past and assistance for moving into the future as unburdened as possible by the trauma of abuse)
Monitor your distorted thinking to decrease anxiety and improve decision-making (focus on facts rather than feelings and fears; ask yourself what the chances are that your worst fear will be realized; listen to your intuition about people’s character and intentions; is your choice going to be in your best interest or are you trying to please others and avoid “making waves?”)
Accept the fact that you were abused rather than loved by the perpetrator; learn how to seek healthy, loving, reciprocal relationships. Being passive and feeling powerless is familiar to victims of incest; assertiveness is a difficult concept, but one that can transform you into a robust survivor.
Get involved in a child sexual abuse or rape prevention program, a rape crisis center, or a hotline. Working toward solutions is empowering and improves one’s self-esteem.
Read a biography or memoir about someone else’s experience to help heal and validate your own. Here is my memoir, available for purchase on Amazon:
SOURCES
“The Effects of Child Sexual Abuse on the Adult Survivor,” Survivors of Incest Anonymous, February, 2018
“Adult Manifestations of Childhood Sexual Abuse,” The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, August, 2011
“Ramifications of Incest,” Richard P Kluft, MD, PhD, Psychiatric Times, Vol. 27, No. 12, January, 2011
“What Are the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse?” The Gomez Firm, Children’s Rights, February, 2020
The Secret Trauma: Incest in the Lives of Girls and Women, DEH Russell, 1986
