The Role Of Spirituality In Child Sexual Assault Recovery
After reading my memoir, Peeling Away the Façade: The Long Shadow of Child Abuse, a physician turned author said she wanted to know more about the recuperative aspects of my recovery from child sexual abuse (CSA). I may have given short shrift to the impact of spirituality in my journey from surviving to thriving, to the positive impact of my life-long Christian faith and my practice of Al-Anon 12 Steps over the past eleven years.
Side effects many CSA survivors struggle with range from shame, anxiety, sleep disturbances, eating disorders, low self-esteem, perfectionism, sexual disorders, substance abuse, anger/hostility, sexual revictimization, helplessness, and self-mutilation to prostitution, depression, post-traumatic stress, obsessive compulsive, bi-polar, and/or dissociative identity disorder. To learn more about the recovery process, I turned to research, discovering that the most difficult task facing survivors might be “breaking free from deep-seated shame by forgiving themselves.” 1 The authors of that first study found that addressing spiritual issues in treatment was crucial because victims’ fundamental sense of safety in the world had been shattered, along with their positive self-image. They recommended therapy that would assist survivors in releasing anger, letting go of guilt, and learning to trust the universe again.
Bonnie Houg, for her doctoral dissertation at the University of Minnesota, interviewed fourteen CSA survivors about their spiritual practices during recovery. Her subjects made a distinction between religion and spirituality—viewing the former as a set of rules and beliefs dictated to followers, the latter as a personal relationship with God or a “higher power.” One’s closeness to that energy or higher power was the crux of the spiritual relationship. 2 Houg and her colleagues, in an earlier study, had concluded that the “importance of spiritual relationships in human lives increasingly is recognized as an important factor for human happiness, resiliency, and health.” 3
All survivors in Houg’s study expressed spiritual beliefs or feelings; they attended services, read the Bible, engaged in prayer or creative endeavors, and/or made life decisions based on sacred principles. Fifty-seven percent discussed positive coping mechanisms such as art, journaling, poetry, participation in sports, and talking with others about spiritual issues. The same percentage said when they became more spiritual, their relationships with partners improved or that they only entered serious relationships with spiritual persons.
Sadly, sixty-four percent of her subjects had difficulty perceiving themselves as good; their feeling of being damaged resulted in a lack of self-esteem or self-respect. The only part of themselves they valued was their sexuality, though they tried to be perfect in every other way. Nearly one-third felt disgust for themselves, and thought sexual abuse defined them. Two women expressed regret that because of their CSA, their partners suffered from accusations and distrust.
The experience of partners suffering from a mate’s CSA resonates with me, as I was paranoid about my first husband’s fidelity during most of our 26-year marriage. I was suspicious of his closeness to numerous women and divorced him over a 7-year entanglement with a coworker despite having no evidence of a sexual liaison. Although I’ll probably never know the details about his faithfulness during our marriage, I appreciate a text he recently sent: “I am sorry I wasn’t more empathetic concerning your embroilment with your brother (referring to incest). I wasn’t cognizant of how hugely your life was impacted.” This acknowledgement of my struggle is meaningful even seventeen years after the dissolution of our marriage.
Houg and her colleagues, when looking at differences in the spiritual well-being of adults in counseling for various issues, found that the CSA group identified anger, guilt, and distrust as obstacles to their spiritual development. 4 This reminds me of a second concern the doctor/author had expressed after reading my book: the intensity of anger I’d expressed. She said readers empathize more with pain than with anger. That may be generally true, but I’m convinced that survivors will relate to the rage that permeated my life for decades, as much as to my pain.
In a different vein, Valentine and Feinauer interviewed twenty-two female CSA survivors at high risk for poor self-esteem and relationship problems, finding that spirituality was one factor that contributed to high functioning. “These women reported that spirituality became a source of support, hope, and empowerment, which they sometimes had difficulty finding in other relationships.” 5 Ninety-two percent indicated that spirituality helped them heal the psychic wounds left by the abuse. Similarly, Gall, et.al found in their sample of 101 women that “the more spirituality was considered important to survivor’s lives, the less depressive mood and more personal growth and resolution survivors experienced.” 6 Attending religious services was positively correlated with abuse resolution while a sense of relationship with a benevolent god was related to lower levels of anxiety and anger as well as to a greater sense of hope and self-acceptance. This was true regardless of the path toward spirituality. Thirty-seven percent of Gall’s participants regularly attended services, nearly forty percent did not, and twenty-three percent attended only infrequently.
It is possible that an individual’s personal spirituality as described by Ryan, one’s private prayers and/or meditation decrease the negative impact of CSA. Ninety-two percent of her fifty study participants (Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, or no religious affiliation) described themselves as “spiritual” and sixty-seven percent reported a positive connection between a strong spiritual life and dealing effectively with their history of childhood violence. One woman said, “There is a part of the self that has remained fully whole, with all the light and all the innocence that you came into life with.” Half of these women were not involved in organized religion, yet forty percent stated that personal spiritual practices contributed to their healing. 7
Most of the participants in these studies viewed counseling as a positive aspect of their recovery. Some of Houg’s subjects found that when shame, anger, and guilt were discussed openly, they were able to forgive themselves and others. “Forgiveness became a cleansing tool,” one survivor said. 2 Others indicated that spirituality helped them understand that the abuse wasn’t their fault so they could stop feeling ashamed. The spiritual work added an element of compassion to their lives. It made many see themselves as more valuable and powerful, enhancing their self-esteem and self-respect. Houg speculated that although therapists rarely asked clients specifically about spirituality, the trust developed in the counseling relationship provided a foundation of trust from which spiritual development could take root and improved personal relationships could flourish.
Many survivors in Houg’s study also mentioned the importance of 12-Step programs in their healing process, where they turned away from compulsive behavior and toward a higher power of their understanding. I can identify with letting go of negative events or anxieties and surrendering them to God. It was at Al-Anon that I heard the liberating phrase, “My healing began when I gave up hope for having a better past and started living one day at a time.”
I pray that all survivors will explore spiritual practices in their journey toward health and wholeness. Whether in organized worship, personal prayer, meditation, writing, Yoga, or discussion with spiritual mentors who are breathing models of God’s love, may you embrace your unique personhood, strengths, and the possibilities that await you.
1 Parker, R.J., Horton, H.S., & Watson, T. (1997). Sarah’s story: using ritual therapy to address psycho-spiritual issues in treating survivors of child sexual assault. Counseling and Values, 42(1), 41-54.
2 Houg, B. L. (2008). The role of spirituality in the ongoing recovery process of female sexual abuse survivors. Dissertation for Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, University of Minnesota.
3 Holt, J., Houg, B., & Romano, J. (1999). Counseling issues: spiritual wellness for HIV/AIDS clients. Journal of Counseling and Development, 77 (2), 160-170.
4 Ganje-Fling, M.A., McCarthy Veach, P., Kuang, H., & Houg, B. (2000). Effects of childhood sexual abuse on client spiritual well-being. Counseling and Values, 44 (2), 84-91.
5 Valentine, L., & Feinauer, L.L. (1993). Resiliency factors associated with female survivors of childhood sexual assault. American Journal of Family Therapy, 21, 216-224.
6 Gall, T.L. Basque, V., Damasceno-Scott, M., & Vardy, G. (2007). Spirituality and the current adjustment of adult survivors of child sexual abuse. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 46 (1), 101-117.
7 Ryan, P.L. (1998). An exploration of the spirituality of fifty women who survived childhood violence. The Journal of Transpersonal Psychology, 30 (2), 87-103.
Image by Aaron Blanco Tejedor
