The Power of Connection in Uncertain Times

Photo by Hillary Ungson on Unsplash

This year has been difficult for many of us: hurricanes and tornados have taken lives and decimated communities, the United States underwent a tumultuous election, millions grapple with addiction and mental illness, people have gone missing, financial problems abound, some individuals have received terrifying medical diagnoses, and children have been abused. Despite the challenges that befall us, however, relationships with our “tribe,” with those we hold constant in our lives, can bolster us and give us hope.

Who do you seek out when you feel distressed, angry, or frightened?

Are they the same people you contact when you’re happy, or filled with anticipation? Some of us lean into our family in both good and bad times while others avoid family who may disagree with our politics, spiritual practices, or lifestyles. Some folks have created “chosen families,” disparate groups who accept them unconditionally and have earned their trust. Others have found solace and support in unexpected people like the women I met at a Saprea retreat.

Saprea is a nonprofit organization whose mission is to empower adult survivors of child sexual abuse, to protect future generations, and to educate communities worldwide on this issue. I was fortunate to attend four days of small group sessions and therapeutic activities with eight other women in 2022. Through discussion, art, music, physical activities, and sharing meals, we developed a bond based on empathy, mutual respect, and hope for a healthy present and future. Via our Facebook page, emails, texts, or calls, we acknowledge one another’s past, recognize each other’s’ strengths and struggles, and encourage each other to pursue personal goals. In listening for understanding and refraining from offering advice, we multiply our energy and nurture everyone in the group.

Over the past nine years I have become part of a regional writing community. Through conferences, workshops, book launches, a writer’s group, and a book club, I’ve developed not only writing techniques, but also connections with dozens of creative, intelligent people who enrich my life. After sharing an article with my writing group recently, two members gave positive feedback, but said the piece lacked my personal voice and tone. Their candid comments and those of a “sensitivity reader” enabled me to create a greatly improved article; for that I am extremely grateful.

Another group for which I’m thankful is Al-Anon, a 12-Step program whose sole purpose is to help families and friends of alcoholics. Using 12 steps like those used in Alcoholics Anonymous and keeping the focus on ourselves, we share our experience, strength, and hope with others coping with the effects of addiction. Whether I speak or merely listen in these meetings, I always learn something and jot down strategies I find promising. Today my notes were about being mindful of the present and extending grace to everyone. My 15-year involvement in this fellowship has provided healing and serenity through tough times.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” 1 I had an opportunity to witness this concept in a class called The Power of Connection. The facilitator shared an example called “Teaming for, Success,” about two groups of five people standing on one leg in a circle, each with their hands on their neighbors’ shoulders. One group was told to concentrate on “Me, Myself, and I” while the other group was to focus on “Team.” A single person outside the circles tried to push the groups off-balance by touching one individual at a time.

When group members were thinking of themselves, the “pusher” was able to destabilize the entire group. But when group members were thinking of the team, the “pusher” was unable to wobble the group. 2 Members of my class formed two such groups. As a “pusher,” I could feel strength in the backs of people in the “team” group and was unable to disturb their balance. The backs of group members concentrating on “self,” however, felt weak and their stability was destroyed by only two pushes.

Many individuals find their religious congregation to be a source of strength and support in uncertain times. During thirty years of worship at one church, my family of faith has celebrated weddings and births with me, had my back through a divorce and the death of a spouse, and rejoiced and commiserated together after presidential elections. No matter the challenge, we are a community of trust, belief, and confidence.

A disc jockey mentioned connections today, saying the average American has eight friends and spends four hours each week interacting (online, by phone, or in person) with them. Perhaps your network is larger or smaller, but I’m guessing the quality of those relationships is more important than quantity. Among my friends, I have the most history with those from childhood. We lived in a rural community where one classroom held the entire grade level. I graduated with the same students I attended first grade with!

Last week, my classmates’ holiday greetings stretched across a day-long text thread, but we’re just as likely to share prayer concerns, the joy of a birth, or a change of address. Some of us exchange cards and letters, another way to explore anxiety about the future. The bottom line is: strong relationships provide stability and support and increase our resilience when facing challenging or unpredictable situations. They help us feel less alone and better equipped to navigate the difficulties of life.

How can we leverage the power of connection as we embark on a new year?

We can reach out to others in both our good and difficult times. We can share our feelings and anxieties. We can listen to others with curiosity and empathy rather than with judgment. And we can engage in conversations and activities throughout the year to maintain balance in these relationships, to make deposits into these “accounts” rather than touching base only when in crisis.

Robyn Brickel, a therapist I follow, recently wrote, “Connection is (still, and always will be) everything. Look to your people. Lean on your people… Safety is found in connection.” She and her colleagues strive to provide safety and stability first, “walking alongside our clients as they grow, grieve, repair, and heal. We hold space for hope as our clients learn to hold hope.” 3

I pray that you are hopeful about the new year and that 2025 will bring health, peace, and fulfilling relationships to you. Please comment about how connection has helped you manage tough times, or if you found this article helpful, please share it on social media.

1 The Bible, New International Version, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2008).

2 Richard Carlson, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life (New York: Balance, 1997).

3 Brickel, R. (2024) How do we live amidst uncertainty? Brickel and Associates, Individual, Marriage, and Family Therapists, Alexandria, Virginia.